Returning Home
by Serpent Tailed Angel
Summary: I, Motoyasu, have been forced back to Japan after Filo-tan's world was saved. Rather than enjoy the company of my beloved children, I am expected to endure pigs in nurse costumes who insist that I am 'ill' and that my behavior is 'erratic! Unacceptable, I say!
1. Chapter 1

**STA:** I'm not a big believer in things that contain spoilers, and I find the majority of 'triggers' to reinforce fear of stimuli rather than actually help with functioning post-trauma, but I do know a few that all sources I've scene agree are legit. Therefore, as my non-spoiler trigger warning, if you need trigger warnings, There's a decent chance this fic will be a problem for you. Just a heads up.

-x-

They called his old man home from Germany.

Not his father. There was only one _Father_. This was the man who sired him. The sperm provider. If you wanted to get technical, he was even the man who Motoyasu was raised by up until starting middle school, as well as the man who gave Motoyasu his allowance after that to pay rent and buy food. But Motoyasu was at a loss for what to call him, because he wasn't Father.

"I'm not sure how to describe our relationship," ended up being the first thing Motoyasu said after having gone nine years without seeing the man.

Nine? It was nine by earth's standards. When Filo-tan's world was saved, he'd found himself in a hospital bed, one stab wound in his chest and another in his side. His old phone was on a bedside table. While Father's name didn't appear in any searches, Motoyasu had found his own in a story dated back only a day from what the phone's clock read, reporting on an attempted murder-suicide.

One of those pigs had been successful at killing the other, but neither managed to kill him. Almost no time passed on earth, but it had been more than a year away from earth for him. At least ttwo, with how long he spent moving between time lines.

"I'm sorry," the man said. "I know I haven't been around as much as a father should."

"No."

That was wrong. Why was he calling himself that? Father was the only Father Motoyasu needed, and Father must have returned to his own version of Japan.

"I'm here to make it up to you."

Or had Father stayed behind in Filo-tan's world? Both ideas made Motoyasu nauseas. There was a way for him to return to Filo-tan. There had to be. If he could be transported to that world once, he could go there again. But was there was a way to reach the other Japans? If Father returned to his own world, then Motoyasu had no idea how to reunite with him. If Father had stayed with Filo,-tan then Motoyasu had no idea why he hadn't been given that option.

"Motoyasu? Motoyasu!? What's wrong? Why are you making those faces?"

Everyone was so sensitive to his movements. He thought that once the stab wounds healed, the hospital would let him go. He would return to school even though nothing mattered if there was no Father or Filo-tan or any of his beloved filolials to enjoy life with. Instead, they led him to another ward where no one was injured, but the doors were locked so they couldn't get out, and everything he said and did was scrutinized more closely than the healing of those stab wounds had been.

All the pills they gave him changed. The painkillers that helped numb his brain so he wouldn't despair over his exile from Filo-tan's world were gone. The new ones the nurse said were to help his mood, but they only made him feel sluggish.

"We haven't worked out the right mix of medications for him yet," a nurse told the man. "His psychosis hasn't improved at all, although his outbursts are more or less contained."

The hospital staffed primarily pigs. Perhaps the selfish creatures that they were liked exploiting the vulnerable, and that was what drew them to such jobs. It had caused Motoyasu a great deal of trouble in the first few days of his recovery, as pigs constantly pawed at him while he was weak. When a doctor and a police officer both came to talk to him about an incident where he had to defend himself from the disgusting things, he had explained how he repulsive it was to be touched by swine. Since then, they had made a sincere effort to only give him human nurses.

His new ward had only a single human nurse. Only for eight hours a day, five days a week, could Motoyasu talk to the person to give him pills. The rest of the time, he would ask the security guard who stayed on the ward to explain to him why pigs were squealing at him.

"Does he have any past mental health history?"

"No. None. I… Not that anyone ever reported to me, and he always seemed normal over the phone."

"Sometimes a person is able to hold it together for short conversations in order to keep others from noticing anything amiss."

They both cast doubtful looks at Motoyasu, as if something unlikely had been said. Did they think him too inept to know how to use a phone properly? The nerve.

"If this is his first mental break, then it may be a one-time thing. We haven't tried everything yet. It's possible that once we stabilize him, he won't have any more episodes. But most often with one-time episodes, drugs are involved. LSD. Spice. Anything you might find at a wild party. But he came to us for stab wounds, not an overdose. It's entirely possible the trauma from that just… made something snap up there."

"But you can still fix him?"

"You don't _fix_ a chronic condition. You manage it. And we'll do our best to find the right treatment to help him manage his illness. But… I don't like telling people this. Sometimes, a person's baseline is such that, even at their highest level of function, they're never properly oriented to reality. His outbursts have stopped. Our next focus is to get to the bottom of his hallucinations. The general psychosis doesn't seem as critical right now, and it's been the least responsive symptom to treatment, so while we're trying to addressing it at well, it's not our primary focus."

The man fell silent, and stood still as the nurse excused himself and went to harass another patient.

There was very little to do on Motoyasu's current ward. There was only a single TV, which was locked behind a thick sheet of plastic, and another patient played the same two children's movies on it all day long. There was one computer, but you only had thirty minutes to use it. He'd been forbidden from installing anything on it that would let him play Emerald Online. Explaining that he used to live in a world similar to the game had only made the staff less obliging. There were no books, and the art equipment was rudimentary and had to be used under supervision.

In short, Motoyasu had nothing better to do than stare at the man and wait.

How much older the man looked. In Motoyasu's mind, the man was still only in his early thirties, but his gold hair was dusted with grey, and there were hints of wrinkles around his eyes.

"You're going to get better," the man told him.

"I'm fine now. See?" Motoyasu lifted up his shirt to show the man where he'd been stabbed. His chest was still tender, but both wounds had scarred over, and the bruising around them was gone.

The man smiled and nodded, but when he spoke, he sounded like he'd been convinced of nothing. "I've looked into the doctors who work here. They're top notch. It's important that you follow their advice."

"I, Motoyasu, am a good listener! I always do what Father tells me, I say!"

The man chuckled at that. "I'm pretty sure I told you to stop messing around with so many girls once you started college."

"I wasn't talking about you."

"Then who were you talking about?"

"Father. Who else would I mean?"

"Motoyasu, I _am_ your father. I am _your_ father. Who else would you call father?"

Technically, that counted. "The man who raised my love. What more important father is there?"

"Of all the—fine. If you have a father_-in-law_ in mind, then I suppose it's good you're finally settling down, but I'm still your birth father, and you still have to do whatever the doctors says, understood?"

"Hm…"

"_Understood?_"

When he spoke so firmly, Motoyasu's birth father showed hints of the Father Motoyasu so dearly missed.

"Understood, I say!"

"Good." His birth father patted his shoulder. "Now let's cross our fingers and hope you can return to school like none of this ever happened."

"Why?"

He cherished his time in Melromarc more than any other part of his life. It was because he was brought there that he was able to realize what a fool his old self had been, and how glorious the existence of Filo-tan was. Pretend all of that never happened? It would be like chopping off both of his legs.

But his birth father rudely ignored his harsh suggestion and moved on with his inane speech.

-o-

All meals were expected to be eaten in the dinning room. The utensils were plastic and doled out by miserly pigs who watched everyone chew and diligently counted the forks afterward before disposing of them behind a locked door. Everyone was encouraged to speak with one another. Apparently this was therapeutic. Motoyasu had refused initially. Eating among pigs spoiled his appetite, and he was tired from the drugs they gave him. But he had said he'd do as the doctors instructed, and the doctors told him to eat with everyone else, where he wouldn't have to be served finger food to excuse how no one could make sure he didn't stab himself with a plastic fork.

Thus, Motoyasu found himself listening to a fellow patient who also had no obvious injuries or infection to warrant his continued hospitalization

"I'm here because they want to shut me up," the man told him, too loudly, like he wanted the rest of the dining room to hear. "I know all about the plot to poison our water, and the prime minister couldn't let me warn everyone, so he had me kidnapped and brought here. These bitches think I'm some sort of loony. They're too deep in the propaganda to question it. They don't even realize they're being used."

Oh, Motoyasu thought. The man was insane. He was locked in a ward full of crazy people.

But why was he looked up with a bunch of loonies? Was it madness to love as deeply as he did? No. It was joy. It was enlightenment. The next time the human nurse came around, he would try to explain it. Even if the pigs could listen to them—and none of them approached him without a security guard present—they were mere pigs. For such lowly creatures to understand true and pure love was impossible.

"Pearls before swine, I say!"

"Yes! Yes exactly! No one heeds my warnings!"

"Well, you do speak nothing but nonsense."

The man flipped his tray of food and rose to storm off. Motoyasu ignored the pigs as they ran to talk to the man, as if their squeals would calm him.

One pig even squealed Motoyasu's way, although a fellow pig nudged it in the direction of the crazy man with quiet oinks and snorts. He'd been on the ward for five days now, and they knew better than to waste his time with their disgusting noises.

Other patients (other lunatics?) paused what they were doing to watch the circus, then conversed about it. One pig patient even came up to oink at Motoyasu.

"Go away, piggie," he told her. "Your squeals are annoying, and your stench is intolerable, I say!"

This only started more squealing, both from the patient and the nurse pigs.

After that, Motoyasu was required to wait for everyone else to finish their meals before he could eat his own. He argued that he should be allowed to eat in his room if he wasn't to socialize, but was refused. Even if he didn't socialize, it still demonstrated a higher level of function to be able to go to the dining room to eat.

It got tiresome, eating things that were always cold.

-o-

"I heard you stopped taking your medicine."

Motoyasu cast his birth father a glance, then returned to staring out the window.

He was taking some of his medicine. The pills that made him so tired that he didn't have the energy to lament his situation. All the others, he'd rejected upon learning the intentions behind. Pills designed to make him percieve pigs as gorgeous women and make him more susceptible to suggestion that Melromarc—that Filo-tan's world—wasn't real. Even if it made returning to Father and Filo-tan harder, he refused to lose faith in her. And he wouldn't make himself vulnerable to swine a second time.

"Motoyasu?" His birth father grabbed his hand, and Motoyasu was too tired to be mad at him for it. "Motoyasu, I know this is hard. You're not happy being here, and I'm not happy seeing you like this either. Please, listen to the doctor. The staff here want to help you. You're sick, and this is what you need to do to recover."

"Can one recover from love sickness?"

His birth father smiled at him as if he said something profound.

Normally, when he voiced his thoughts, people misunderstood him, or acted as if he was speaking nonsense at random despite the clear train of thought from one idea to the next. Motoyasu had written his birth father off as someone too distant to ever go to for advice or support long ago. By the time he began college, his parents were people he exchanged pleasant small talk with over the phone and reported grades to in order to receive his allowance. Any assertions like 'I love you' or 'We're so proud' rang hollow when they never managed to visit, and he had enough support from friends that it didn't matter.

Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps his birth father could be called a father without any qualifiers to explain why he only technically merited the title.

"Now there's a hint of the son I know."

Never mind.

That fool thought he was motivated by _pigs_ to get out of the hospital? If they had any influence at all, it was in his desperate wish to get _away_ from the pigs who kept asking that he swallow their poison!

"You're on the road to improvement. You'll be back to your old self soon."

"There's no thought more horrifying, I say…"

He was so tired though. He'd gotten the male nurse to explain which pills were to keep his behavior in line and which were to treat his so called 'hallucinations', and obligingly continued to take everything that sedated him while avoiding the poison that would distort his mind. He thought that if he at least behaved, then they'd let him go even if he didn't take every pill, but everyone was still unhappy with him. For his efforts, his sole reward was to be trapped in a constant state of lethargy.

"So you'll take your pills?"

"Mmf."

"Take your pills," his birth father insisted. "All of them. You can't go back to school and return to your old life until you're well. Do you want to be stuck in the hospital forever?"

No.

What an absurd question.

To have to chose between drugs that distorted how his eyes perceived pigs or imprisonment such that he might never find a way to return to Filo and Father's side. He knew what Father would snap at him to do. Even the kinder versions of Father still asked him to do terrible things in the short term in order to escape a more devastating future. But that didn't make the situation any less wretched.

And here his birth father was, telling him to do the painful thing for long term gain.

"Perhaps you're more like Father than I thought."

"Motoyasu, do you know who I am?"

His birth father sounded sincerely concerned. How annoying.

"You're the man who scored with the swine who gave birth to me."

"That's not… Well… I suppose. Who taught you to put it that way?"

Reality did. Even his birth father couldn't deny it was true.

"I won't take the pills," Motoyasu said. "Leave me alone. I'm tired."

His birth father made a face like he was cruel for stating the facts, but that man was crueler for telling Motoyasu to swallow poison.

-o-

It turned out that even if the hospital thought you were sick, they would still get rid of you if you proved too difficult to cure. Naturally, there was no curing someone who was healthy, so Motoyasu had 'showed no signs of improvement' according to the doctor and 'would best be served in a more therapeutic environment with loved ones who could talk with him more about treatment options.' Also, it seemed that his insurance found his stay too long. So he was let out of prison.

When Motoyasu finally stepped out of the hospital doors, he was delighted to recognize an immediate landmark. The hospital couldn't have been more than a fifteen minute walk from his old apartment. What a relief, when he felt like he only had ten minutes of walking in him anyway.

It wasn't _home_, per se. He missed his house and the filolial stable in Rock Valley terribly. But his apartment did have his gaming computer, and with it, he could enjoy Emerald Online with the highest quality graphics. Until he figured out how to get back to the real Melromarc, he could block out all the unpleasantness of the old life he was expected to revert back to by immersing himself in the virtual Melromarc.

He made it four steps before his birth father grabbed his arm and pulled him the opposite direction.

"Where are you going?"

"My apartment."

"Motoyasu, you were _stabbed_ there."

"That was years ago."

Wait.

No, it had been… two months? Three? Most of his time in a normal hospital room was a blur of pain pills and other drugs that kept him asleep almost around the clock, but he was sure he spent more time there with the stab wounds than he understood to be normal. At first, he'd put it down to the number of times he popped stitches. Having seen how tightly regulated the loony bin was, he knew better. It seemed they not only had no intentions of releasing him to a lower level facility—much less home—once the wounds were no longer critical, but that they also tried to delay in putting someone with his injuries near all the crazies. To say nothing of all the time he spent in the loony bin.

"Motoyasu…"

"Months. That was months ago. I know how long it was."

"The last time you were there must have been traumatic. If you want to return eventually… Well, if your psychiatrist thinks it could help, we'll do it. For now, I think it would be best for your health if you didn't go back there."

"But my computer—"

"I'll fetch it on my next day off. The focus today is getting you home."

A dozen warning bells went off in Motoyasu's head. 'Home' was a seaside town that, while hardly small, wasn't as big and anonymous as the city. The proximity to the ocean might be similar to Rock Valley, but he would only make it a day or two without running into someone who knew the old him. Less, if the pig who lived next door still thought she could lure him into her traps by making him meals. His birth father wanted him to be the foolish former Motoyasu again, and the other people from his past would make similar demands.

Come to think of it…

"Will that other pig be there?"

"Motoyasu, I hope you don't mean your mother."

"Who else would live in your house?"

His birth father sighed. "No. When the hospital got in touch with us, they were very clear that it would be better if I came to see you instead of her. She's still in Germany. The company doesn't have many people they can send out there, so only one of us was approved to return. If your psychiatrist thinks its a good idea, we'll return to the old arrangement once you're fully recovered. If not, I suppose I'll buy an extra ticket and you can come to Germany with us."

Motoyasu intended to be long gone before that point. For one, if everyone summoned came from Japan, could he even reach Melromarc from another country? But at least he had one fewer people from the past to deal with.

That aside, it had surprised Motoyasu to think that his birth father would actually take time off from work to return to Japan. Of course that had been a false assumption. The man was still working, and still planned to leave again with no regard for his son's life plans.

But that was nice. It explained why the man hadn't been at the hospital every single day to badger Motoyasu. It explained why he only came when the hospital said he was too crazy to turn loose, rather than when he was in the ICU with a knife wound in his chest. And it meant there would be plenty of reprieve at home as well. Best of all, that his father already hoped to return to his sonless life in Germany meant Motoyasu had been right from the start in thinking his family wouldn't be too deeply affected if he were to be spirited away to Melromarc and never return.

He started humming a tune he learned from listening to Filo-tan's flawless singing, but by the time he'd crossed a single street, the tune had died.

His birth father took him past the first train station, and expected him to walk all the way to the next. In Melromarc, as the Spear Hero, Motoyasu could have run a lap around Tokyo if Filo-tan asked it of him. No longer liberated by high stats and love, and bogged down with so many drugs and weeks of confinement, he found his vision growing blurry before they were even halfway there.

"Can we get a hotel for the night?"

"We'll be home in time for supper, but we can stop wherever you want for lunch."

Couldn't they stop then and there? It was too much walking to reach the train station that his birth father wanted.

Motoyasu's attention wandered, and his gaze with it. His birth father had to take him by the hand and lead him forward, lest his feet wander as well. It was bothersome, but Motoyasu put up with it until they crossed a pedestrian bridge running over a busy street, and curiosity compelled him to pull away and walk up to the edge.

It was a low traffic time of day. Not too many cars, but they drove past at a good speed. He leaned over the edge of the rail to get a closer look, an idea forming in his head. The last time he was injured and thought he'd surely die, he woke up in Melromarc. It was dying that let him meet Filo-tan once. Would it let him reunite with her now? Itsuki had been brought to Melromarc after he was hit by a truck, hadn't he?

"Motoyasu!" his birth father yanked him back from the bridge's edge. "What were you doing?"

It took a moment to put his thoughts to word. "I thought life would be wonderful if I died again."

His birth father turned white, eyes wide. Was wanting to improve one's life such a frightening thought?

"You want to die?"

Oh! He missed the part about it being a way to return to living in Melromarc.

"Not permanently."

"Motoyasu, you can't _temporarily_ kill yourself."

Motoyasu gave it some thought and determined this was true. Killing himself had no precedent for working. Naofumi was summoned without dying, and there was a common theme in how he and Itsuki and Ren died.

"I don't know if it would work if I killed myself. I think someone has to kill me."

"That's still… never mind. You won't kill yourself?"

"No. What would that accomplish?"

His birth father sagged against the rail. Was the man happy or not? Some people were ridiculously hard to please.

"Let's hurry up and get home, and we can bring this conversation up with your psychiatrist at your first appointment. But Motoyasu, if I see you too close the the tracks, we're going straight back to the hospital, understood? While we wait for the train, I expect you to seat yourself on a bench along the wall and stay there until the train doors are open."

Had his birth father always been so neurotic? Why make so many unnecessary threats and demands?

"Do. You. Understand?"

"Yes, yes."

The train station was much closer than the hospital by that point, and Motoyasu wanted to be done with walking already. Whatever got him to a bench faster.

He let his father resume leading him, collapsed onto a bench at the station when they at last reached one, and groaned when he had to drag himself off of it half a minute later to board the train itself. Once aboard, he collapsed again, and grudgingly obliged his birth father's request to rest his head on the man's shoulder while he dozed.

It wasn't a bad idea, save for who it entailed. If he ever saw Father again, he would ask for a lap pillow.

Motoyasu's eyelids drooped, and he couldn't tell if the scenery out the window blurred from their speed or his fatigue. He shut his eyes, and tried to stay awake long enough to make plans for a future where he could enjoy that lap pillow.

There was no evidence that temporarily killing one's self would work. It was temporarily _being killed_ that did the trick. Motoyasu didn't think he'd get so lucky as to have someone shove him in front of a train with his birth father watching, but he would have plenty of free time while the man was at work. He could start looking up ways to put himself in danger and let others give that final push as soon as he had his computer back.

-x-

**STA****: **I spent a lot of time waffling on one of four directions to take this story, and had to sort through lots and lots of scenes, many of which that were written with different directions in mind, once I settle on one.

Honestly, there's another direction I like more, but it didn't feel as compelling. Most of the scenes were written with that ending in mind and it still feels like the "real" version to me. Maybe, if I decide to develop it more, I'll even post it. But for now, enjoy the "alternate" version, in which some scenes have been cut and others have been altered to steer the story in the direction I thought would be more interesting for the amount of writing I currently want to devote to this project.

So anyway, I know I'm not the only one who's ever stopped to think about how utterly non-functional post-development Motoyasu would be if he ever tried to return to his own Japan. But I haven't seen any other fan approach that concept _in English_, and I'm not literate in Japanese yet, so I had to get my fix on this somehow.  
Fun fact by the way! There's some debate over whether Motoyasu losing his marbles as he stumbles off the rocker in his mission to grab a screwdriver and loosen all the screws in order to get those hinges undone is caused by him just, you know, going crazy, or if it's the effects of the Lust Spear messing with his head. I am fully in the "he went crazy" camp for the following reasons.

1) He demonstrates his insanity prior to the Lust Spear ever being shown, and the reader is also witness to the moment when he snaps. In fact, he's mentioned to drop in off-page multiple times while crazy before the first occasion that Naofumi sees him with the Lust Spear. The other heroes only have their behavior significantly warped by their curse weapons while said curse weapons are equipped.

2) The only exception to that above point is the curse Itsuki's bow afflicts him with. But Naofumi's shield use sets the precedent that curses are a consequence of using curse series skills, which Itsuki is observed doing prior to her personality sealing curse setting in. Motoyasu has, remember, not so much as displayed possession of a curse series at the point that his behavior shifts, much less tossed any curse skills around.

3) Aneko stated on his/her blog that the curse for using the lust series skill is that it decreases one's libido (except Motoyasu has so much libido that there's no noticeable effect when he inflicts this curse on himself, letting him functionally use lust skill for free). Decreased libido, it should be noted, is not the same as erratic behavior in defiance of logic and hallucinating most women as pigs.


	2. Chapter 2

**STA:** Sorry. This chapter was written like a month or two before the last went up, so it was some pretty intense procrastination on my part that they delay was what it was/ I kept meaning to sit down and comb the next chapter to make it consistent with the current trajectory and never had the time. Final chapter actually does have one scene I need to finish still, but I'll try and get it out quicker.

-x-

The first morning, Motoyasu wanted to get up and be functional, but when his birth father handed him his pills and he picked the most dangerous one out and tossed it in the sink, yelling ensued. Even though Motoyasu swallowed all the rest, it was never good enough.

He wasn't living in the world he wanted. He didn't even have access to his computer to stare at some digital copy of that world. He wasn't living his life the way Filo asked him to, following Father's word and striving for a world at peace. He might never see Filo again. Why did he have to put up with poison and lies and lectures and delusions planted in his mind by others on top of that?

Although it wasn't Filo's world, he could still try and bring peace to his own, but how was he supposed to do that if his birth father threatened to call the _police_ on him if he set foot outside without first poisoning himself? Never mind returning to school. He couldn't change courses with his career path so he was better suited to live the life Filo wished for him if he couldn't attend class.

The first two days passed in tense silence, Motoyasu unable to find a solution for his predicament and his birth father staring at him like a filolial chick born with only one leg.

On the third, when Motoyasu grudgingly came out of room for lunch, his birth father went upstairs and stole his mattress, and left it on the living room floor.

On the fourth, his birth father left early to go to work. Motoyasu spent the morning lying on the living room floor, bundled in blankets and fantasizing about moving the mattress back up to his room without finding the energy to do so. Instead, when boredom finally drove him to sit up, he caught sight of the controller to an old game system.

It was a few generations out of date. Once he realized that the popular online games were all computer-based, he stopped spending money on consoles. But consoles had been nice once upon a time. The upshot of having the home to yourself from middle school on up was that your house was always the safe haven for friends to hang out unsupervised, giving him incredible social power back in the day. Having the hang out site for your friend group also gave him an excuse to any pigs he brought home with him as to why he might have video games that _totally_ weren't his thing, but that his friends liked.

Regrettably, that also meant he'd invited pigs over more. And without supervision, he'd engaged in bestiality. Disgusting. His old self was truly shameful. And people wanted him to return to that?

Console games wern't as good as Emerald Online, and Emerald Online wasn't as good as reality, but Motoyasu was trapped in the wrong reality. Even sub-par games served as a distraction from that. He crawled off the mattress to boot the system up, pulled a controller back into bed with him, and began playing a game that he hadn't bothered to eject the disc of in seven years.

He barely made it past the tutorial area before there was a knock on the door,

His birth father _would_ do something like leave work early just to harass him. Probably, the man planned on random check-ins so long as Motoyasu abstained from taking poison.

No. This was the man who ran off to Germany for nine years and wouldn't come home even for holidays or graduation ceremonies. He probably called a neighbor and asked them to check the house without bothering to leave work himself. Motoyasu was still impressed that his birth father was back in Japan at all. Why not ignore it and let the man sweat a little?

Motoyasu proceeded to the next stage in his game as if nothing happened, but the knocking persisted, followed closely after by oinks and squeals.

A glance to the door was all it took for him to see the blinds were open near the front door, and a pig had pressed itself against the window.

Disgusting. He suppressed a shudder and turned his attention back to his game. Soon enough, the squeals stopped.

He made it halfway through the game before he heard his birth father outside, and paused to listen.

"I'm really sorry he did that. He's home recovering from some… trauma. He was attacked, and he hasn't really been himself since. I'll let him know you'd like to catch up with him, but I don't know how long it will be before he's up for spending time with others. Right now, I think it upsets him to have even just me around."

For his birth father's efforts, the pig he was speaking too oinked without even the decency to speak human words.

Yet it was only Motoyasu who his birth father looked displeased with upon setting foot inside.

"Miho came to say hi, but you refused to open the door and greet her."

"Who wants to listen to a pig whine?"

His birth father looked at him as if he said something depressing, then noticed the game. When he looked from the screen back to Motoyasu, he said,. "I'd say it's good you're finally doing _something_, but… Motoyasu, have you… ever visited any of the locations in this game?"

"Nope. If a world exists out there similar to this game, I, Motoyasu, have never been summoned to save it."

"I see… I'm still not sure you should be playing this."

Wait a second.

Motoyasu paused his game and looked up at his birth father.

"Have we not picked up my computer yet because you think I can't tell the difference between it and reality? I'm well aware that I shouldn't assume the world operates the same as the game, I say!"

Father had taught him to never make such assumptions, and he took all of Father's instructions to heart!

Yet his birth father had the audacity to say, "I just don't want to reinforce any delusions."

"I have no delusion, I say! The game is not real! It's only an imitation of the real world that I traveled to!"

The distinction was so simple. So clear. Why did the man not think it mattered? Infuriating! The whole thing was too infuriating! Motoyasu tossed the controller at the man, only for the cord to keep it from flying far enough to connect with his face.

His birth father pursed his lips and shook his head, and went to the kitchen to silently work on dinner. Motoyasu, fuming, shut his game off without having saved once and buried himself back in his blankets.

-o-

Motoyasu spent two more days more of less glued to his bed before it hit him.

Although the hospital had been concerned first and foremost with how much energy he had, it was no longer the responsibility of nurses to keep him from popping stitches on healed wounds or upsetting the other patients. The three pills he was still taking made him less upsetting to others, but everyone was upset with him anyway, so what difference did they make? Moreover, all of them made him tired.

With his birth father watching, he made a show of taking the two with the mildest side effects and pitching the poison, and while his birth father attempted to salvage that poison from the garbage disposal, Motoyasu quietly threw the third pill in the trash.

The effects were almost immediate. After his father left for work, Motoyasu hauled his mattress back up to his room and, amazed he hadn't done so sooner, took the time to look up the pill he'd thrown away.

It seemed that it was primarily an anti-depressant, but he wasn't depressed. The sadness he felt for his seperation for Filo-tan was despair incarnate, but he couldn't waste time being depressed when he ought to focus on reuniting with her!

The pills were also offered often as a way to help people sleep. In fact, even for other uses, it was meant to be taken at bedtime because it knocked so many people out.

Amazing.

What liars everyone was. The point wasn't to make him more tolerable or cure any illnesses or anything of the sort. They wanted him sedated so he would be easier to control, plain and simple.

If the day went well, he decided he would stop taking that pill entirely.

With that settled, he dug around until he found the old emergency stash of money he kept during high school for those time when his parents forgot to send him his food budget on time, tucked it into the largest roller suitcase he could find, and set off for the train station.

The ride from the hospital back home had felt like days despite him only being awake for a few minutes of it. The ride back to the city took nearly two hours, and he was so eager to reach his apartment that he got off two stops too early.

He didn't have his apartment keys on him. The EMTs forgot to grab those while picking his bleeding body up off the floor, apparently, and his birth father made no attempt to fetch them. No matter. Motoyasu stopped by the landlord's office to explain his situation and was pleased to learn that, while his rent payments had stopped coming in and the apartment was now vacant, his things had been saved. He loaded up his computer and a few miscellaneous items to pad the precious game box with inside the suitcase and set off back home.

Motoyasu nearly set up his computer on the platform waiting for the train. He'd yet to work out how one arranged for their own murder without killing themselves, but he could at least play the game that resembled the world he ought to live in. Anticipation had him so antsy he considered getting off the train early to find a hotel to set himself up in and start playing faster, but he only had money for one or two night's stay.

Besides, his birth father would lock him back in that hospital if he avoided going home. If it were Melromarc, anyone who tried to keep him from the nearest semblance of Filo-tan would be dealt with, but he had no weapons on hand to rid himself of nuisances.

He returned to the house with more than an hour to spare before his birth father's office closed for the day, pleased to not only have completed his mission in time, Motoyasu let himself inside with every expectation that he could have the computer set up in his room before his birth father made it home. The only trick would be getting internet set up. He could use wireless, but for the best connection strength—

His birth father looked from from where he stood by the kitchen phone.

"Sorry, officer. He just walked in… Yes. I'll speak with him… Again, my apologies. This was unusual of him… Thank you. You have a good day too."

"Uh… I… You should still be at work."

His birth father's voice was alarmingly quiet as he said, "You had an appointment today to establish care with your psychiatrist. I came home early to go with you."

"I-is that so?"

"And you weren't home."

"…I came back?"

His birth father looked from Motoyasu to the suitcase he pulled behind him, then back up with an unamused expression.

"I came back! This Motoyasu attacked no one, didn't so much as tell off a single pig for its pigishness, and came back! H-have you not insisted I get out of bed and do something to improve myself?"

"What's in the bag, Motoyasu?"

"Nothing illicit. No! Not merely is it not bad, but something great, This contains a gateway to heaven, I say!"

His birth father was upon the bag before Motoyau could react, yanking open the zipper before collapsing onto the ground with relief.

"Er… Was it not a problem that I went to pick it up?"

His birth father ran his hands along his "No—Yes! Yes you can't just disappear like that. Saints above, Motoyasu, no matter how you may feel, you're _not well_. Even _if_ you picked this up on your own and made it back without issue, it wasn't worth the risk. I just… Thank God it's not drugs."

Motoyasu had already assured the man that the trip went off without a hitch. There was no reason to talk about it like its success was still uncertain.

Wait.

"Drugs!?"

Wasn't the whole reason everyone was mad with him to do with him _refusing_ to take the drugs they shoved in his face?

"I have no idea what you and those girls were up to that made them stab you! And when I read about things that can trigger such a sudden shift in behavior… Never mind. You're not taking anything you shouldn't. Hell, you're not even taking half the things you _should_."

It could be said that love was a drug, and Motoyasu was in severe withdrawal. Come to think of it, Motoyasu stepped around his birth father and pulled his suitcase towards the stairs.

"What are you doing?"

A chill ran up Motoyasu's spine.

"I'm going to set my computer up."

"Down here," his birth father instructed. "I'll let it slide _this time_ that we have to reschedule your appointment, and you can sleep in your room so long as you're down here during the day, but the computer will be set up down here where I can keep an eye on whatever you use it for. If I come home and find it anywhere in the house except this room, I will take a hammer to it. Understood?"

Motoyasu glared at his birth father, but pulled his computer out and set about getting it into a workable configuration. He hadn't been allowed to take the spear with him when he was sent home and none of his spells worked anymore, so he couldn't punish his birth father properly for such a transgression. No doubt the man would overreact if Motoyasu played too much because he wasn't engaging enough with the boring non-Filo-tan world. But then he would overreact if Motoyasu abstained from playing because, apparently, it was 'atypical behavior suggesting a disease of the mind' to not have any reason to get out of bed.

-o-

"I _told them_ you needed a _male_ psychiatrist."

Motoyasu ignored his birth father, walking into the house silently and then slumping over into the chair before booting his computer up. He still refused to swallow poison, but for the sake of saving his precious window into Emerald Online, he'd diligently endured the sedative every morning. Getting the computer had provided his birth father with a hostage to hold for certain behaviors, and everything was again tiresome.

What a waste of time all this brain sickness talk was. He had to spend an hour sitting in a room where a pig alternated between snorting at him and squealing while his birth father yelled at it. At least, for once, he and the man were in agreement that pigs were bad.

Login completed, Motoyasu smiled at his inventory. The filolial eggs he'd purchased were finally due to hatch. With his birth father present to see how he spent money, he could no longer shave off bits of his allowance on premium currency to skip the real-time waits, but no matter. It was best to raise a filolial from a chick anyway. Even the anticipation was its own delight. He still ached to meet his new digital children. The grind to obtain them had been especially brutal because his old player character was a pig, and he had to create an all new account to remedy that and save up again for eggs.

"It's only going to take longer to get you real help now."

"Wasn't the point of being held prisoner in the hospital to 'fix' me? They let me go, so I'm fine, I say!"

"They let you go knowing that nothing actually _stabilizes_ you with the understanding that you'd be in my care, with the hope that I could get you to keep trying what cocktails you wouldn't take from the nurses," his father said. "You're half asleep in front of your computer because that's the best they could manage to keep you from getting overexcited and hurting others."

"Hmm…"

His filolial chicks all looked like reskins of one another. He went out of his way to buy them from different ranches with the idea that he might find some bred for racing or fighting or endurance by going to breeders with different aims, yet there were no obvious tells from their general structure as to what they were best suited for because the game designers were too lazy to make more than one model.

"Are you even paying attention to me? Motoyasu!"

Come to think of it, in Emerald Online, filolials had no angel form. They couldn't even grow to their true full size. Should he write to the developers support line about that?

"Motoyasu!" His birth father slammed a hand down on his shoulder, startling Motoyasu so that he dropped his mouse. "I'm going to look for a different specialist for you. If… This may make it even longer before you're able to return to school, but if that last clinic wouldn't listen when we explained your issue, I don't want to take them up on the offer for a fast appointment with another psychiatrist working in that office. I'm sorry about the delay."

Motoyasu shrugged, picked up his mouse, and set about naming his new filolials.

"Motoyasu, say something."

"Nothing's wrong with me. If you want to ship me back to school and wash your hands of me again, you can, I say. But this Motoyasu would much rather do what I'm doing in this moment."

His birth father watched silently as he set out with his new party to level grind, then shook his head and went to an older computer to search for other doctors to throw Motoyasu at.

Direct attention off of him, Motoyasu smiled to himself. Not so much as an attempt from that man to deny his motives. Motoyasu had been right in what he assumed when first summoned. He had no close connections in this world. There had been drinking buddies and pigs he casually mucked with, and there were the parents who didn't want to live with him, and all would move on quickly when he vanished. When he returned to Filo-tan and Father's side, he would do so without a hint of guilt.

He waited until his father had finished searching for clinics and went to make dinner. Then, with no attention on him, he put in a search for places with high rates of crime.

Everyone thought he had some horrible brain disease, but no one mistook him for an idiot. He buried the notes he took among research saved from an old school project and cleared the searches from his internet history after. No doubt his birth father regularly checked the computer for more reasons to treat his son like an invalid, and Motoyasu didn't need anyone getting in his way of going _home._

-o-

_Dear Mr. Kitamura_

_Thank you for submitting a suggestion to our development team. We are not currently taking open suggestions from fans. There is an option on our homepage to enroll in notifications for future contests in which fans can submit content. If you are over 18 and have the proper skill set and qualifications, there is also a form you can download for job application. _

-x-

**STA:** I ended up deleting a huge chunk of the original chapter 2 because it was all setup for things that aren't happening now. I wonder what the word count is without that? This was fewer edits than the last chapter though. The main change I had to keep an eye out for was honestly just that changes were consistent with all the significant cuts from last time.


	3. Chapter 3

Motoyasu took note of himself in the bathroom mirror.

He was paler than before, and thinner. All the muscle he built in Merlromarc was gone when he woke up in the hospital with two stab wounds, but he'd been fit before being summoned. Even his old, pathetic self who cared only for pleasure had taken the time to jog each morning to keep fit. Pigs liked that sort of thing in a man.

Now, with his refusal to poison himself, his birth father only let him outside under strict supervision. Ever since his computer retrieval, the neighbors had been notified of his so-called illness, and would tell him to stay put if he tried to sneak away while his birth father was at work. The two times he ignored them, the police were contacted, and he was dragged to a nearby station to wait for his birth father to pick him up.

Going anywhere or doing anything with his birth father was either exhausting or infuriating, depending on how recently he'd taken his sedatives. Motoyasu did his best to ignore the man, ignore offers for outings. He would rather stick to Emerald Online than have to hold his birth father's hand while buying groceries. It kept him distracted from most of the world, but not from the reality that he wasn't in Melromarc. His filolials were fully grown and well leveled, but none developed as a filolial ought to. The other day, he was even ordered to take a break from the game when he started weeping for his digital children's stolen potential.

If he were to return home was he was, Filo-tan would surely chastise him for taking such poor care of himself.

She truly was an angel, always worrying about him. Motoyasu hoped she was well in his absence.

He needed to get out more. For her sake. If she wasn't well, he had to be fit to help her. If she was, he couldn't upset her by showing off how dire his own straights were.

With that thought, Motoyasu peeked into the living room and the kitchen beyond to see his birth father at work making dinner. Both the front and back door were in sight of the man, and in his original world, Motoyasu lacked the stats to jump from the second floor balcony and not break a leg.

Maybe he could go back to sleeping half the day and sneak out at night. If it was only for a jog, his birth father wouldn't be too upset with him when he found out.

Until then, Motoyasu slid into his computer chair and booted up Emerald Online.

The game had a ten pet cap preventing him from getting more filolials, and if he left one in a ranch or sold it, rather than be able to visit it again, its data would disappear. He couldn't raise anymore, so he might as well raise the levels of the ones he had. The only problem was that breaking the level 100 cap for even a single character took him a week even playing all day long. Seven of his beloved pixel children were still stuck at their measly level 100.

His birth father leaned over, like the nosy man was want to do, and saw Motoyasu sigh. The option to pay yen for immediate limit removal taunted Motoyasu, and he started longing at the instant pampering for his digital darlings before clicking on the prompt to say he completed the quest again, reducing the number of children unable to grow to six.

"Motoyasu, if I gave you your cards back, would you spend them all on this game?"

"Of course. What more important use is there?"

"Food. Bills. Transport. You don't even have a job. Is this what you spent all of your allowance on in the past?"

Motoyasu considered the question, then confessed, "I threw most of it away impressing pigs."

"Well…" his birth father sighed. "I suppose even that at least demonstrates a better ability to socialize. Motoyasu, I don't see how you can live on your own like this."

"I, Motoyasu, won't live in Japan for long."

Once he made it back to Melromarc, it wouldn't matter, and there was no sense in putting effort into his old life when he planned to leave it. Especially not if doing so meant accepting poison and delusion, Until he had a solid plan for his return home, all he really needed was something to help abate the ache of his beloved filolials' absence.

Long term financial planning? Responsibility? Nonsense. Those things were of no use for someone in such a temporary state.

"So you already knew…"

"Of course!"

"Then… I won't delay with arrangements. I suppose you'll want to take your computer with you to Germany? I still think this game is bad for you, but if it keeps you happy… Well… In the absence of something that really _does_ help, I suppose it beats nothing."

Motoyasu swerved in his chair, all attention falling away from the prompts to start the quest again as he took in what his birth father said.

"_Germany?_"

"Where did you think you were leaving Japan for?"

"Melromarc, I say!"

"It's not…" His birth father sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. "Forget what I just said. You can't… Even if it makes you happy, if this game is confusing you more, then we'll leave the computer behind. Donate it to a friend, or an old classmate of yours. We won't need a Japanese address if you're leaving with me, so there won't be a home here to leave anything in."

"I won't go to Germany! I shan't, I say!"

"Shan't?"

"I… What if it's not possible to reach Melromarc from there? If I'm stabbed there, I could die!"

The only heroes summoned had all come from Japan! What if Filo-tan's world could _only_ take people from Japan? What if he died in Germany and wound up in another wrong world? What if he died and didn't go anywhere, but passed away without ever seeing Filo-tan again!?

"You die no matter _where_ you're stabbed, Motoyasu! It's a miracle you survived last time! And it's because you make comments like this that I can't leave you here by yourself!"

Motoyasu huffed and tried to turn back to his game. He had just enough time to see his character had been killed before his birth father grabbed his chair and turned it away from the monitor.

"Look me in the eye while I'm talking to you, Motoyasu. You're leaving me no options here. The company is pressuring me to get back to my normal post and you've done _nothing_ to demonstrate you _want_ to get better. You—"

"I'm not sick, I say!"

"Yes you are!" his birth father shouted at him. "Your sick in the head and I'm sick of your antics! You don't work! If I didn't remind you to pause your game, I'm not sure you would remember to eat! You don't demonstrate any desire to improve! You just admitted to me outright that you can't be fiscally responsible! I can't stay here and I can't leave you unless I put you in some sort of loony bin! What else do you expect me to do?"

Let him go home and stop being everyone's problem.

If he had his spear…

He knew his birth father cared more about work. Enough so to leave a child all alone for years on end. It wasn't out of character that the man would uproot him without any thought in the name of satisfying his company.

He knew that he was in the wrong world and getting back might be tricky. One more added hurdle didn't change that things might go wrong even if he stayed in Japan.

He knew that everyone in this whole, stupid world thought there was something wrong with him, but they thought him a fool back when he was foolish as well. The persistent belittling wasn't new or shocking.

Many, many things moved him to tears, so crying should not be quite so upsetting as it was in that moment.

"I… Motoyasu… Maybe I phrased that poorly…"

Motoyasu turned his computer off without properly logging out of Emerald Online and shoved away from the desk and his birth father both.

"I'm tired."

"Motoyasu—"

"I'm going to bed."

"Dinner will be ready in—"

"No!"

He shoved past his birth father and fled upstairs. They already thought he was broken, and in that moment, everything _did_ feel broken. If he let that man see him any longer in such a state, if he gave them verification that something was wrong, things would only get worse, wouldn't they?

And so far away from Filo-tan, in such an awful world, feeling as he did in that moment, Motoyasu didn't know how much worse he could tolerate his situation getting.

-o-

Motoyasu spent the next three days in bed, only rising during the day to use the bathroom, and sneaking down after dark to retrieve leftovers from the fridge.

He had no access to Emerald Online the entire time. The mouse was missing. A hostage, no doubt. He didn't expect to have it back until he did whatever his birth father planned to force out of him. Poisoning himself or moving even further way from Filo-tan, most likely. He didn't have the energy to ask what specifically he had to do. If his father wanted him to denounce Filo-tan's existence and return to drooling over pigs, it would only end in another shouting match where he was reminded that he didn't matter to anyone. Probably the only reason his father hadn't already 'put him in some sort of loony bin' and washed his hands of his son was to a bad reputation at the office.

The third night, something was amiss with the living room. Motoyasu risked flicking on a light and alerting his birth father that he was up, and felt nauseas when he saw the change. His precious computer, that which let him experience some semblance of the world he ought to be in, was gone.

Donated to a neighbor, or an old classmate, or taken to the dump. Whatever that man thought the best way to get rid of it.

In its place were suitcases.

Dimly, he did recall hearing his father riffle through his closet earlier in the day. He'd hidden under the sheets and ignored a question about which clothes he liked. They were all out of fashion anyway, and what he most wanted to wear was his cloak of filolial feathers. It hadn't mattered to him what else his birth father said.

What else _had_ his birth father said?

It will be fine. That's what the man told him. Your mother and I can help you learn German by the time you're ready to leave the house again.

With the timeline his birth father presented on that front, Motoyasu believed it. The rest of his life was time enough to learn a new language.

When were they due to fly to Germany? In the morning? If he had more time to find some way to prove that he was well, that Melromarc was real and he was a better person for his time there, he might be allowed to stay. But he'd displayed his wellness ever since the stab wounds healed, and his birth father persisted in treating him like he was broken.

The computer had been there a day ago, and his birth father worked for most of the day. It had to have been removed in the evening. Whether it was given away or dropped off at a dump, it probably wasn't too late to reclaim. If Motoyasu delayed the flight and did something, to get that man off his back… But short of poisoning himself, what could he do?

Functional adult things… If he said he wouldn't spend any money on the game… his birth father wouldn't believe him. If he pretended to get along with pigs… he couldn't understand their pesky squeals in the first place. Even if he took the poison, his birth father would need to see him do it for a long time before he was convinced of anything.

Motoyasu caught sight of himself in the window's reflection and grimaced. Even Filo-tan wouldn't believe he was well. Not only was he pale. Anyone could look at him and see that he hadn't brushed his hair all those days he stayed in bed, and that he barely slept despite not getting up.

Hadn't he also wanted to better himself for Filo-tan's sake?

Motoyasu set his food down and stepped outside, shutting the front door as quietly as he could. It didn't matter that it was cold out, or that he was in rumpled pajamas. There was no time to waste!

A jog. Just a good, healthy jog to show he was back to acting like his old, foolish self. He would come back after to demonstrate he was reliable. Or was it better to disappear so the police had to search for him and they missed their flight? Would his birth father have him imprisoned in the hospital again in that case? Would it result in a request for an extension away from Germany? Motoyasu wanted that man _gone_, but he would tolerate his birth father hovering over him so long as it meant staying in Japan.

Rather than jog, he bolted from the house. Away from his prison warden and all the neighbors who were complicit in keeping him confined.

He made it ten blocks before fatigue hit him, and he nearly collapsed.

This wasn't going to work.

This was his birth father, who was adamant that he was sick and who frowned at him no matter what he did. All possible actions would only convince the man further that German imprisonment was the only option.

If they were to go to Germany in the morning, then even if Motoyasu wasn't in a presentable state for reuniting with Filo-tan, he had until sunrise to return to Melromarc.

The sleepy little seaside town where he grew up was a terrible place. The crime rate was too low for anyone to chance upon a random serial killer. His research had confirmed that hadn't changed in his time away at college. The docks looked like picturesque sights meant for a person to entertain pigs at. They were sturdy and secure with no potential for him to fall over and drown by accident. Weeks of peeking behind his birth father's back at possible places where he might trigger another summoning turned up nothing nearby.

He would need to go somewhere else. If he could get back to his school, then he knew all the dangerous streets his old self used to avoid in that city.

Motoyasu reached the train station before realizing he had no money or train pass.

He failed.

He would be dragged to Germany with no Filo-tan or even a computer to see some semblance of her world.

How miserable being a normal human was. If he were still Spear Hero, he could have forced his way out of the hospital before his birth father ever came back from Germany. He could have persuaded his old apartment's landlord, via the tactics Father taught him, to be allowed to stay and keep the internet turned on. The police wouldn't be able to drag him anywhere. The only problem would be finding someone strong enough to murder him.

Motoyasu slumped over on a bench outside the train station and lamented his situation. The sun was almost up, and his birth father might have already reported him missing. He might as well head back to the house and let himself be packed up and shipped to Germany.

He drew up the energy to move and lifted his head just as a bus pulled up.

"Headed somewhere?"

This could only be a sign from God.

Motoyasu rose and boarded the bus before the driver asked, "bus fair?"

"Ah…" Motoyasu checked his pockets and found nothing.

Before he could tell the man how important his mission was, the driver held a hand and said, "I'll let it slide this time. You look like you've had a night. Just be sure to pay in the future."

"Thank you, I say!"

The driver waved him aside.

Motoyasu took a seat in the back of the near empty bus before taking note of what route it ran on. At first, he thought he'd failed again. The bus was one that only traveled between a few local towns, none of which were any more useful than his own. Ikuyo had always complained her hometown was so sleepy it could knock out a humming bird injected with caffeine. Typical pig, being ungrateful to have such a peaceful life.

Ikuyo? Ikuyo! If he recalled, she was the pig who survived the knife fight! She was under house arrest while awaiting her trial, and her town was on the bus route! Ikuyo would definitely stab him again.

Motoyasu smiled and watched the pre-dawn scenery through the window, humming to himself. For the first time since Filo-tan showed him the light, he was excited to meet one of the pigs he used to muck with.

-o-

Not once had Motoyasu ever visited Ikuyo's house. They hadn't met until college, and he only recalled she lived nearby because she bitched so often about how they should have run into one another sooner. Once he got off the bus, he started knocking on random houses. The first few times, it was a pig who answered. he walked away from each without bothering to communicate. When at last he found a door that a human answered, he asked if they knew directions to visit Ikuyo. The man knew her precise address, but warned Motoyasu not to go there.

"If you're one of those criminal fans who liked her mugshot on the news, I won't say anything if you walk by her house, but don't try to talk to her. She _did_ stab her last boyfriend."

"I'm well aware of how dangerous she is, I say!"

Too aware. The walk to Ikuyo's house was slowed by Motoyasu's constant distraction. He had to repeat Filo-tan's name like a mantra and focus on her angelic visage while he walked, lest his mind drift to the pain in his chest when—Filo-tan sure cute.

It was a pig who answered the door of the house he was directed to, and Motoyasu squinted to try and discern whether or not he had the right person. Hideous as the creature was, matching it with the pig from his memory was difficult.

It oinked and squealed and gestured for him to come inside, so he followed it. This was the right address. Even if it wasn't the right pig, it might be the swine who birthed his would-be killer.

Mercifully, a human man around the age of his birth father saw Motoyasu come in, and looked at the pig in alarm.

"Ikuyo, who is this? You'll only get yourself in more trouble if… I mean… Welcome. May I help you?"

"No," Motoyasu told him.

By confirming the pig's identity, the man had already offered all the help he needed.

Well, perhaps he could ask the man if he was capable of understanding the disgusting noises pigs made. It might be difficult to prod Ikuyo the way he needed if he couldn't convey himself to her properly. A pig was a pig no matter what, but he couldn't outright say he wanted to be stabbed.

The man stuttered, then fell silent as Pig-kuyo squealed at him.

"A classmate… I suppose…" The man looked at Motoyasu again, doubt in his eyes.

It struck Motoyasu that while there was nothing serious about his state of dress and hair for a midnight jog before sneaking back home, he did not look the part of whatever lie the deceitful pig had told her father.

"I drew the short straw and am in a rush to be done with this," he said, hoping that sounded believable..

He'd had a few chores back in college that he wanted so badly to be done with as fast as possible that he would run outside without fully prepping himself to be seen by others. The only reason he had historically been outside in such an ill put-together state in the past was because he woke up hung over in some pig's bed, and was too sick to find all of his clothes before sneaking out the door and running back to his own apartment.

The excuse seemed to pass. The man sighed and told his pig of a daughter, "If you _are_ able to go back to school after this, then it would be good for you to be kept up to date on classes. All right. But I want him gone before I leave for work. And you." He pointed directly at Motoyasu. "If there's any trouble, scream. I'll be here in a heartbeat."

The pig clapped its hands together and squealed so wretchedly it hurt Motoyasu's ears. He did his best not to let his disgust show until the man disappeared. Presumably to change into work clothes.

There was a too-short time limit to this mission.

When the pig gestured to a couch, Motoyasu seated himself. Now alone with Pig-kuyo, he made no effort to conceal how repulsive she was to look at. He scowled at her disgusting face, then looked away so he wouldn't have to endure staring at something so distasteful.

It was only when he caught sight of them that he noticed how badly his hands trembled.

Back when he was still a fool, he'd thought Ikuyo was fun and energetic. He hadn't known the true nature of pigs, and been taken by surprise when she turned out to be so jealous and selfish that she would sooner see him dead than share him. He had pleaded to her for help when he was hurt, and she had looked at him with that piggish, calculating gaze and then drove a knife into his heart.

He thought he might vomit as Pig-kuyo inched closer, laying a hand on his thigh. Whether it was disgust or dread, he couldn't tell.

It had been so painful, bleeding out while those pigs fought. But… it would hurt no matter who did the deed, right? The ways that Ren and Itsuki went to Melromarc had also been painful.

He was on a time limit.

Motoyasu drew in a breath and braced himself.

"I came to tell you that you disgust me," Motoyasu said. "You're an ugly, selfish pig, I say! And…" What was her name again? The other crazy, selfish, disgusting, frightening pig? "And I liked Momiji more."

The pig squealed, clutching at his leg, and he swatted the hand away.

"Don't touch me. I don't need muck from your filthy sty on my clothes."

The pig glared, then rose and stomped off.

Motoyasu took a deep breath and wondered what his next move should be. Let her chase him down the street? Wait on the couch and hope she returned with a knife?

A knife…

Memories of the first time sent shivers down him. The pain, the creeping coldness as death became inevitable, the way those pigs looked at him as they decided he deserved to die. It wasn't the same in Melromarc, where he could build up his defense and count on healing spells to quickly rid him of any injuries. It had hurt. He didn't want that a second time.

He had to do this. To return to Filo-tan, he had to do this.

He didn't want to go through with it.

"I'm leaving," he declared, not quite as loud as he intended. Some pigs were too terrifying, and coming to Pig-kuyo's house had been a mistake. He could go to Germany and wait for a trunk to instantly to the deed, like how Itsuki went.

It probably didn't even count to knowingly approach someone who might kill you, Motoyasu told himself as he wove around furniture between him and the front door. That was similar to killing yourself. Or did it matter? If Ren was to be believed—

Pain shot through his neck, and then sensation any further down his body ceased. Motoyasu fell to the floor and couldn't breath. Couldn't turn his head. Could only lay there and listen to oinking.

The cheek that had hit the floor when he fell was getting wet.

He couldn't breath! When he tried, it felt like his lungs filled with water!

"Ikuyo! What have you done?"

The father's voice again. And then there was one hand on Motoyasu's shoulder and another around his throat, pressing down, yet not so hard as to strangle.

It was hard to keep thoughts straight with all that pig's squealing…

Come to think of it, hadn't they tried to slash his throat last time?

"…To be with Momi… This is the same boy you stabbed before!?"

What a noisy family.

Motoyasu shut his eyes. With the man standing over him, he wouldn't be stabbed a second time. It wouldn't have to hurt twice as bad.

It hurt so much.

But he wouldn't have to live in a world without Father or Filo-tan anymore.

-x-

**STA: **Aaaand we're done.

Incidentally, the "real" version I didn't feel inspired to finish was Motoyasu getting better. The first major difference between the versions is that Motoyasu discovers early on that a certain pill treats his hallucinations, but is still turned off of women after the incident with Myne, and thus refuses to take his meds for fear of 'being deceived by pigs' again. His school played a larger role, and I actually edited a few of the father's lines in this fic to make him seem less… um… fatherly. It's late for me. The words don't want to word right. Anyway, it's mostly the same in Chapter 1 except for the part where they know right off the bat that there are meds that let Motoyasu interact normally with women, and he gets more positive moments in Chapter 2. After that, the story goes on with him getting a good therapist and some real intervention and there's a lot of scenes I haven't fully connected but a general plot outline. Basically I took the first few bits of the story, made the dad less supportive, and then all the stuff with chapter 3. (I hope chapter 3 didn't feel too rushed. I didn't want to write, like 8 chapters of Motoyasu getting progressively more depressed, but I got worried while I was proofreading and padded things a bit.)

I guess it would have been a satisfying enough ending for him to get better and return to his life as a function person, but that didn't satisfy me. For one, I think I might be the only person who actually likes Motoyasu more sane, so I don't know how many of his fans would have liked him returning to his old self. Also, Motoyasu shows little regard for his old life even prior to loosing it, and what connections are known (parents who were out of the picture, stalkers, casual flings) don't seem very deep or meaningful. Even if I found it satisfying to have him recover, that he wasn't able to enjoy that with any characters he connected with in canon was kinda disappointing to me. Imagine a Motoyasu who admires Naofumi and appreciates the extent to which his actions hurt him who's also, like, sane. Even if I made his father care about Motoyasu in the fic, it's somewhat spoiled for me by the fact that canon!Motoyasu doesn't believe his death would deeply effect anyone in his world.

The problem is, I didn't have a good solution for how to reunite him with anyone after making a whole fic about him readjusting to his own world and not getting himself stabbed in an attempt to return home. But maybe if I either sort out my feelings on Motoyasu's home life or come up with an excuse to reunite him with everyone, I'll post then, have fun with the version where he didn't receive the help he needed in which even I don't know if he made it back to Melromarc or straight up died. (because I could never make up my mind on which was more interesting.)

* * *

**MagicBrain2:** Thanks! It really helps that he narrates the spin-off. Gives you a lot of examples of his general thought process.


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